Turning wordy vague into terse specific

In the examples below, all were taken out of paragraphs. The revisions take advantage of surrounding material. Often for clearness they will use a specific topic string already established in the text. You will have to trust me.

[A and B stand for two improvements already discussed]
With A and B, scientists have been able to construct laser to cool atoms down to temperatures never achieved before.
better
With A and B, scientists can laser cool atoms a 1000-fold.
or
Compared to any low temperature refrigerator, laser cooling, based on A and B, achieve a 1000-fold lower cooling.

To reach the same lighting effects as LEDs, the organic display consumes power at rates of up to forty times less.
to
Organic LEDs are as bright as LEDs but use only 3 percent as much power.

When looking at the X-ray industry as a whole, one of the most common occurrences and concerns is the need to return to reshoot an X-ray.
to
Digital manipulating X-ray images reduces the need to reshoot an X-ray by a factor of ten.

Telomeres protect chromosomes and genetic stability in a number of ways.
to
Telomeres cover chromosomes ends, preventing misidentification and easing complete replication necessary for genetic stability.

Geometrical arguments state that the relation between the two can make one solve for distance from one object if the two values are known.
to
Simple geometry connects an object's apparent brightness at given distance to ratio of its intrinsic brightness and square of distance.

New research indicates that adding a special coating to lithium atoms ion batteries might also be able to improve recharging times of electric cars.
to
A dramatic increase of discharging time from new coating to lithium atoms ion batteries motivates the speculation of a much faster charging time.


To cite this page:
Turning wordy vague into terse specific
<http://www.physics.ohio-state.edu/~wilkins/writing/Handouts/vgs/wordy.html>
[Thursday, 14-Dec-2017 17:52:31 EST]
Edited by: wilkins@mps.ohio-state.edu on Thursday, 17-May-2012 16:34:06 EDT