Improving the Paper
View reports not as an attack on you but as a criticism of the writing.
Extract benefit from the comments.
Assume confused comments mean the reader was confused by your words.
- Abstract. It is not an introduction but a brief and
accurate summary of what the reader can expect in the paper.
Here is one example and two revision. Even more
This paper will explain the simple theory of the hydrogen-oxygen fuel cell.
It also touches on the pros and cons of the fuel cell for energy production
as compared to conventional sources of energy.
This paper simply explains the hydrogen-oxygen fuel cell. With respect to
energy production, it also touches on the pros and cons of the fuel cell
compared to conventional sources.
Reversible chemical reactions allow the hydrogen-oxygen fuel cell to
both generate energy and be recharged. With respect to conventional
sources, the fuel cell suffers in comparison only in its lower energy
density and much more limited development.
- Topic sentences. Try really hard to put a clear concise topic
sentence up the near the front of the paragraph. Start a new paragraph
with a new topic sentence when that first topic is explained.
- Consistency of subjects in paragraphs. See
Many paragraphs tend to bounce around from one subject to another and
thus seem unfocused
- Emphasis should be at the end of sentences. See
- Try reading your paragraphs out loud. If you hesitate or stumble,
El Nino is part of the periodic oceanic weather phenomenon known as the
Southern Oscillation. An understanding of El Nino is important for two
reasons: (1) it is a useful model for predicting both long and short term
climatic changes; (2) El Nino impacts global economics and ecologies.
El Nino refers to a warm, southward ocean current along the Peruvian coast
that every few years replaces the normally cool, northward current. First
documented in 1525, El Nino is now recognized as part of the large-scale
Southern Oscillation that affects the whole South pacific.mps.ohio-state.edu
and beyond. While models can give some insight into these phenomena, they
raise many, as yet, unanswered questions.
The design of the helium-neon laser is not complex by modern standards. They
consist of only three essential components and operate by the processes of
stimulated emission and light amplification. Because of their many advantages
over other types of laser, helium-neon lasers are used for many applications
in research and industry.
The simplicity of the helium-neon serves to illustrate laser principles.
Atoms excited by a discharge tube spontaneously emit an electromagnetic
wave which in turn stimulated atoms to emit light in phase (in step) with the
stimulating wave. This new emission amplifies the passing wave, and mirrors
can enhance the process to produce an intense, coherent beam of light.
Lightning is a spectacular show of electrical charge transfer that defies a
complete understanding. With the new addition of red sprites, blue jets, and
elves the challenge of understanding lightning has prompted new research.
Lightning involves the buildup and discharge of alternately charged layers
either within clouds or between clouds and the earth. Recent research has
turned up new phenomena -- red sprites, blue jets, and elves -- which further
challenges our understanding of lightning.
Research has shown that in this cooling of the ferrous-based metal, two
mechanisms take place: (1) the metal's molecular structure changes
transforming austenite to martensite; (2) the formation of small carbide
particles within the material.
For cryogenic-tempered ferrous metals, microscopic examination revealed
two processes at work: (1) a structural transformation from austenite
to martensite, and (2) the wide spread dispersal of small carbide
2. Last sentence of a paragraph pointing to the next paragraph
This convection cell, which he called the Walker circulation, usually
operates under conditions of strong trade winds and a temperature gradient.
According to Bjernes [introduced once at beginning of paragraph] the
conditions of strong trade winds and a temperature gradient produce a
convection pattern he called the Walker circulation.
Bohr further postulated that electrons going through transitions from higher
to a lower energy level lost the extra energy in the form of spectral radiation.
When electricity passes through a sample of hydrogen gas, the gas emits light.
If a prism separates this light into its various components, a spectrum of
lines form. Each of these lines corresponds to light of a given wavelength and
energy. When Bohr calculated the change in energy between various transitions
of the hydrogen electron, he correctly predicted the wavelengths of all the
known lines in the spectrum, which the Rutherford model could not do.
Bohr further postulated that an electron in a higher level could make a
transition to a lower level, emitting the energy difference as light. This
idea he connected to experiments in which hydrogen atoms, excited by an
electric discharge, emitted light. A prism separated this light into a
series of lines, the Balmer spectrum of the hydrogen atom. With his model,
Bohr could calculate the frequencies of the lines. In contrast to the
Rutherford model which predicted a continuous range of radiation, he predicted
lines that matched completely the observed spectrum.
New lightning phenomena are still being discovered today. [4,5] After many
large ground strikes, above a storm cloud's 13 km height limit, "red sprites"
flash blood red and spread out in a cone, to heights of 100 km. If the storm
is large enough for a strike towards the ionosphere, a blue jet streams out in
a pillar for heights up to 50 km. The rarest and most puzzling discoveries are
elves of 100 km wide that are donut shaped bursts at altitudes of 70-100 km.
The surprise with elves is a cascading effect that gives the appearance of
traveling faster than ligh. All of these new phenomena are of low light
intensities and last only around one-thousandth of a second.
New research capable of looking for short-lived and low-intensity effects have
turned up three puzzlers. For storm clouds at 13 km or higher, a series of
many large strikes from the cloud to ground may be followed by a blood-red
cone flashing upwards to 100 kms, a "red sprite." For storms so large that
there are strikes upward to the ionosphere, a subsequent short-lived pillar
rising to 50 km is named the "blue jet." Rarest and most puzzling are events
not clearly correlated with the nature of the storm: 400-km wide doughnut-
shaped bursts at altitudes of 70 to 100 km. Some unknown correlated motion
in these "elves" cause the burst to appear to be traveling faster than light.
3. Introductory Paragraph
There are certain reasons a pitcher can throw a curve ball and fatty
deposits can increase blood pressure. These and many other effects are
the cause of Bernoulli's principle. The fundamental principles sprout
from an equation derived by Daniel Bernoulli which relates the velocity
and pressure of a medium. Basically, as the velocity of a medium
increases, the pressure decreases. The principle is most commonly
involved with fluid dynamics, but the medium can also include gases such
as air. This principle gives rise to many features of everyday light.
That a pitcher can throw a curve ball or that fatty deposits increase the blood
pressure can be understood from a principle named after Daniel Bernoulli.
To understand many examples, a precise mathematical formulation of the
principle can often be replaced by this qualitative description: if the
velocity of a fluid increases, the pressure decreases and vice versa. Since
fluids include both liquids and gases, the examples presented below range from
blood pressure to curve balls to an automobile carburetor.