Coherent Comics UnInc presents, leaving the big ASCII title out because it 
might actually be longer than the story,

          Dvandom Force Christmas Special: A Very Wayne Christmas
                     copyright 1995 by Dave Van Domelen
                    Wayne is a creation of Jesse Taylor

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     [cover shows Wayne sitting alone next to the pitiful tree from the
      Charlie Brown Christmas Special, smoke from his joint drifting
      over to the tree and forming a star on top.]

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     Anyone but Wayne would have been utterly confused by the rapid passage of 
time.  Since he'd arrived in what seemed to have been fall, time had fluttered 
past at a pace that said "the Writer's trying to keep up with realtime, even if
it kills him."  Now it was Christmas Eve, and Wayne was all alone in the 
Dvandom Force HQ.  Everyone else was out at the LNH Christmas Party or 
something, forgetting poor old Wayne.
     He wasn't sure why he was so bummed out.  He wasn't even human, much less 
Christian.  Maybe it was just something about being alone on a holiday when 
everyone else was with friends and family.  His friends were in another 
universe, and his family was a bunch of evolved slugs...also in another 
universe.
     "Like, sigh."  Wayne stood up from the TV and went to see if there was 
anything else in the fridge.  He had, like, major munchies.  For the tenth 
time he checked, and for the tenth time, all that was there was a REALLY old 
chinese takeout that he wasn't yet desperate enough to eat.  He closed the 
fridge in disgust and turned around.
     "Hi," said Sig.Lad, sitting down at the kitchen table.  "Want a bagel?"
     "Like, whoa.  Aren't you, like, supposed to be, y'know, dead?"
     Sig.Lad grinned.  "And aren't you supposed to regularly be stoned out of 
your gourd?"
     Wayne considered this for a moment.  "Um, yeah?"
     "Well, then...this shouldn't bother you at all, should it?"  He held out 
his hand, and a bagel appeared in it.  "Cream cheese?"
     "Oh, like, sure."  Wayne took the bagel and hungrily bit into it.  "So, 
like, why are you, y'know, like, here?  Being dead and, like, all?  Another, 
like, Dickens parody?"
     "Nah," Sig.Lad shook his head.  "Enough of those from the New Zealand 
contingent.  I know what it's like to be all alone, cast adrift on the sea of 
continuity.  Even before I died.  Don't worry, you'll be home for the holidays
with Marie and the others.  Time's a funny thing in crossovers, eh?"
     "So, like, you came all the, like, way from the, y'know, afterlife to, 
like, tell me this?"
     "Hey, everyone deserves a little Christmas Spirit."

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Author's Notes:

     Merry Christmas, everyone!