.|. COHERENT COMICS UNINCORPORATED ---X------------------------------------------------------------------------- '|` PRESENTS DVANDOM | -. -. -. | ________| ____ \ ,___ \ ____ \ ________| | .' \ | | / ` | | | | | | | / ___| | | | | ` / | | __| | | < | __| | | | ,--- \ \ | | | \ | | \ ` | | | / | \ / | ___| _______-' ___| ____\ -______-' ____________| #55 - "Which Way BACK To 000SUPERGUY?" copyright 1995 by Dave Van Domelen ============================================================================= [cover shows three Robos crossing their weapons Three Musketeers- style. A blue Robo wields a trident, a white Robo wields a crossbow and a gold Robo wields a longsword. Cover copy proclaims, "Robo Warriors! The FireTsar Combination!" in English, and repeats it underneath in Japanese characters, which ASCII doesn't support] ============================================================================= ATV Frank skulked through the halls of the Buffer Island base. Not because he was anywhere he wasn't supposed to be, or because he had reason to fear discovery, but because it was hardwired into his persona program. He was *always* afraid of his boss, whoever that happened to be at the time. He was a toady with dreams of greatness (like most toadies, really), forced by his small stature into the role of comic relief sidekick or drudge. He'd had a taste of power over those weaker than him, but it had been cruelly yanked out of his mouth even as he had savored it. He skulked into the main control room of the smallish complex, where his current master, Lord DeFacto V, was busy with something. Some sensor problems with his master plan, details which Frank wasn't privy to. The bellows of frustration he *was* privy to, so he knew to be verrrrry careful. "Um, your evilness?" he began. DeFacto ignored him, continuing to try to get something or other to work. A bank of screens showed nothing but blank white, despite his efforts. "Oh, high overlord of all space and time?" he tried again. "Hmm?" replied DeFacto, glancing over at Frank. He had finally separated himself fully from his massive Necrosaur RoboVector, and in this form was actually shorter than Frank. But still much more powerful and scary. "What do you want?" "Um," said Frank, shifting his feet nervously as if embarrassed by what he was about to say, "may I use one of the main system terminals to perform a download? My memory is almost full." DeFacto sighed. A particularly annoying facet of the small RoboMAC's mind was that it was almost impenetrable to his attempts to scan or duplicate it. Defenses built up over decades of cyberspatial warfare made even the stupidest of RoboMACs (and Frank certainly qualified for that honor) much better defended than anything DeFacto had seen before, other than other RoboMACs from that dimension. And one of the defense features was that memory could not be erased from a MAC mind, not even trivial memory, without a secure location to store it. A definite liability that grew out of an asset. "It will have to wait, I need all available computer resources to determine why my sensors in the Superguy altiverse are not transmitting." Frank crossed his legs and jumped up and down. "But I gotta do a data dump NOWWWW!" he whined, bouncing around the room in obvious discomfort. "And if I can't, I'll set up a really annoying loop to perform once my brain shuts down for lack of space..." he threatened. Frank knew that DeFacto wouldn't actually kill him (yet) and that DeFacto couldn't break into his mind to shut down such a loop (yet). And DeFacto knew it too...so it was an effective threat. Steelwind looked over at Frank from his station and tried to stifle a chuckle. "Oh, all right. Steelwind, let Frank use your station, it's about time you went out to relieve Darkheart on patrol anyway," commanded DeFacto. The grin fell from Steelwind's face and he stood to comply. "Just don't leave any data messing up my system, you little twerp," he hissed in warning to the RoboMAC. ATV Frank bounced to the console, plugged in, and sighed in relief as useless memories downloaded to a secure directory his systems automatically established and protected within the mainframe. Steelwind stalked out and DeFacto returned to his work. << Dr. Firebrand? Are you receiving? >> transmitted Frank over an interdimensional carrier wave through the very sensors DeFacto was trying to repair. There was a pause. << Dr. F? >> >> Yes, yes...I thought you'd managed to get yourself killed or something, Frank. What is it? << came the irritated reply. << I've gotten a job with another evil overlord from another dimension, who has designs on the Looniverse.... >> >> Moonlighting, Frank? You know the rules about that! << << Oh, no, your evilness! I'm really still working for you, just spying on him! Honest! Here's a datablock of all the pertinent information I've gotten. >> >> Hmm. Interesting stuff. A bit primitive, but interesting. These transformed squishies remind me of Kopikat, maybe there's a link there worth exploring. Sit tight and observe, Frank. I've got another project to finish [see future issues of Team M.E.C.H.A. for more of this! - Ed.] and then I can tell Lord Antiochus about this. He might wish to attempt another sortie if this DeFacto can help us find a way around that mysterious pyramid Spartacus possesses [see Constellation #24 - Ed.]. << << By your command, Steve. >> "Aren't you done yet?" demanded DeFacto, who was noticing some drain on efficiency. "Just finishing now, Steve," replied Frank as he cut off the connection and Firebrand's angry "Don't call me Steve!" * * * * "You can help if you want, but I'm taking over this project," insisted Kopikat as Skysabre looked condescendingly at her. "And don't give me that look. I let you build all the other Robo-related devices because you looked like you needed a hobby to help you forget your old life. But I spent nearly a decade of my life working with designs generations ahead of yours before I was scanned into this body. And now that it's gotten serious, I don't want anyone else getting killed because of your primitive designs." "What's so primitive about Projector technology?" demanded the time-tossed former rebel, former villain. "After yesterday, you have to ask? It's very compact, yes, but it's really only a neat gimmick. Better suited to the sorts of guerilla action you saw, perhaps. But easily defeated. Forcefields alone can never be enough, since the moment an enemy penetrates them they fail. If you have physical armor behind it, you have time to re-establish your field without falling apart! Not to mention the lack of real weaponry on a projector. Look," she paused, mimicking the action ot taking a deep breath for emphasis, as she didn't actually breathe, "I'm not impugning your skill *in your own era.* But even a half-assed tinkerer from the 2100s like me can design rings around your most advanced concepts. You concentrate on stablizing your own design, since it'd certainly be more time-effective than rebuilding you completely. Just let me work on the Robos for the guys, okay? I *might* even be able to hack together something that could stand up to Hercules, but I can't do that if you're working against me." Kat sighed mentally. She really didn't like using her old design skills...they reminded her too painfully of her old life. She only kept them around to help in analyzing weak points and the like. To have to fight to be allowed to build Robos again was just more irony than she cared to deal with. And Irony Man wasn't even within a thousand klicks. "Fine," acquiesced Skysabre. Part of him needed to feel like he was still in control, that it was his genius that held things together. But he knew that even his most brilliant designs had been based on analysis of Kopikat's own race, the RoboMACs which had invaded the Loonivearth over thirty issues ago. Some of that old supervillain megalomania still kicking around, he supposed. "I'll tell Stanley to authorize you for equipment requisitions...presuming you even need that," he added. Why the unnecessary barb? Did he feel that intimidated by her skill? He turned and left the lab before he could say something he'd really regret. "And to think I wanted to sleep with that primadonna..." snarled Kat under her breath after he was out of earshot. Then she got to work. * * * * Other jobs he would usually leave to the ubiquitous Gradgnomes which infested the warrens beneath and inside his island nation of Andale Atoll. But this one was far to important to leave to thesis students, especially since half of them were on the surface playing Cricket. Every nail had to be hammered perfectly. Every inch of the fabric, a fabric which could not be looked at for long without special filters or the viewer would risk insanity, had to be woven by hand. The wood, taken from trees in the Quantum Jungle Gamow wrote of as fiction but which turned out to actually exist in the Looniverse, had to be adzed to tolerances of a micron... and since the uncertainty of the pieces was greater than this, Heisenberg dampeners had to be constructed and employed during this phase of the construction. Even at a first glance, it was obvious there was something wholly unnatural about this couch. The Seventies had come close to this level of sublime metaphysics by sheer chance in the rush to polyester fabrics and wild patterns in oranges and browns. It had taken the entire attention of a massive (and now vanished) conspiracy to turn mankind away from the path it was on, for had the art of interior design continued on its path, humanity would have attained total enlightenment from the comfort of its living room by 1983. Some who knew the fringes of the truth were simply glad that it had been averted from the standpoint of aesthetics...such enlightenment would have come at the cost of decor which could curdle the brain of a yak. But bad taste was only a secondary effect, one which could easily be created by the Power That Be using less dangerous (to the status quo) design elements than those madly experimented with in the late 70s. It had required sending many Gradgnomes to their deaths from gibbering madness to gain the secrets of this design from the second hand shops and yellowing interior design manuals of the previous generation. Ironically, certain key early precepts had been codified in cypher in the margins of books written by one David B. Van Dommelen in the late 60s. It was with this discovery that Acton Lord knew he had found a True Path. And now it was complete save for the necessary multicolored crocheted afghan which would drape over the back. The Klein Couch, which one was simultaneously sitting on and not sitting on, was a transport device of almost unimaginable power. And when the time was right, when his pawns had distracted those who guarded It, he would ride the Klein Couch to the Sourcecode.... * * * * "I've dug up some information on our sparring partners," said Squidman as he turned to Kid Macro and Sidewinder, who had just entered the room. "Presuming they're the same people as worked for the Little Man in the past, this is the Constellation Gang." "Ooh, times like this I bet Irony Man wishes he were in this title," commented Sidewinder. "Yeah. Although this may be less irony and more over-clever retcon. Anyway, the Gang has been active on and off for about a decade, during which they lost a member to the Yakuza and elevated their kid mascot to full membership," said the Deepsea Detective. "They were formed when Manga Man started to make serious inroads to the Loonited States back when R*b*t*ch hit the airwaves...despite his stated loathing of the series, it did give him a power base of slavering fans willing to be his pawns. The Yakuza..." he was cut off by Kid Macro. "Why doesn't the Yakuza have some funky net.based name?" "You *don't* mess with the Yakuza," was the terse reply. "Anyway, the Yakuza enlisted his services to lean on local Ma.fi.a [The infamous Finnish gangsters, who are cool with being messed with - Ed.] bosses and various independents." "Like the Little Man," noted Sidewinder. "Yep. The Little Man decided to fight fire with fire, or in this case, mecha with mecha. Just to honk off Manga Man, he got his hands on a squadron of mecha from Megazone 23 via his contacts on rec.arts.anime. He had several of his more promising operatives trained in their use and fought off Manga Man's attacks until he got bored and drifted off to become obsessed with sailorsuits. The Constellation Gang hung around, doing occasional jobs here and there, but major law enforcement agencies presumed they were disbanded after the Robot Invasion, when they lost their mecha in battle with some MACE forces. Of course, now that DeFacto has supplied them with new Robos, they're back in action. These guys are dangerous...they don't have much experience with gestalt work, but individually they're all seasoned pilots and quite bloodthirsty." He pulled up individual dossiers on the screen. "Jack Hunter is the team leader, codename Orion. He's a bit of a control freak, which worked to our advantage in the last battle...but he's not an idiot and will learn to delegate control to other pilots in the Hercules gestalt. His OrionRobo is a utility infielder of sorts...medium weapons, armor and speed, with a vehicle mode which can pass as normal in pickup truck mode. SQUID analysis also indicates a flaw in the integrity field around his missile rack, but since Kat already found and exploited that, it'll probably be fixed before next time. "Jack may be the leader, but everyone looks to Norman Bear to settle disputes in the team. He's the most stable personality of the bunch, far more subtle than the Gephart tank vehicle mode of his Ursa Major Robo would suggest. He's probably the most dangerous in the long run, since he's going to figure out any tricks we try pretty fast...he's credited with several of the Gang's known victories. "His sister, on the other hand, never grew up. She may be 26 on the outside, but she's still a teen sidekick brat at heart. Impulsive, vengeful and petty, but also fast and clever. Her Ursa Minor Robo is the smallest and weakest of the bunch, but also fast...and as we found out, she's very good at asserting individual control over it in Hercules mode when need be. "The other three are a little more cypher-like. Ross 'Eagle' Edgarson and Tabitha 'Snake' Peters are an item and are the aerial acrobats of the team, having been fighter pilots in the LSAF before joining the Little Man's gang. Well, Tabitha wasn't officially a fighter pilot, of course, but she logged enough hours illicitly to be an asset to the group. Their Aquila and Draco jetform Robos are extremely fast, easily beating Mach 4 at full throttle, but not very heavily armed. They rely mostly on external weapons loads of conventional make. Finally, Cory Roe is something of a mystery. He's betrayed the team several times, but not only is he still alive, he's still on the team. Either he's got some nasty photos somewhere, or his betrayals were staged to set him up as an apparent 'weak link' in the team. His Corvus Robo looks like a Hawker Harrier in jet mode, but is faster and more maneuverable than the real thing. "Not much data was available on Hercules itself. It was badly damaged enough that reliable information just wasn't there, and powerful enough that what was there couldn't be found. I do have the integrity field frequency, but presuming they have any ability to repair the Robos, they'll be changing that." Sidewinder and Kid Macro sat back to digest that load of exposition. "Do you suppose we could go look at the new Robos Kat built for us now, or would that be too much exposition for one issue?" asked Sidewinder. "Well, it's on the cover, and the writer's trying to get out of the rut of not actually getting to the cover scene by the end of the issue, so I think we'd better at least run down some basics and test drive them." "Well, let's go!" urged Kid Macro. "Maybe she's worked out the bugs in my control systems by now...." * * * * DeFacto's face fell, at least as far as a metallic simulation of a human face *could* be said to fall. Something had gone horribly wrong, and this time he was certain that it wasn't due to the continuity shifting which had clouded his scanners for several days [see Team M.E.C.H.A. #64 - Ed.]. He had initiated the probe which would force Summer to activate her hyperspatial powers and bring the Bahamode Sigma construct into the Looniverse for him to study and control. Instead, some sort of feedback had occurred, and now he couldn't get a lock on his sensors anymore...it was as if they were tumbling through interdimensional nonspace instead of.... He cursed. That was exactly what was happening. Somehow the probe had been interfered with, turned on itself, and the Grangers (and assorted chattels) were now hurtling through the void towards the Looniverse. Perhaps...perhaps he could turn this to his advantage. The Grangers (those capable of understanding it, anyway) would probably not appreciate his manipulation. Best to give them a distraction for the moment and give him time to prepare a series of plausible lies for the fools. And what better distraction than...well, it was a good one. Establishing a tenuous link in the precious few seconds left to him, DeFacto nudged the Roadkill Destructoid off course and towards.... * * * * The skies over Sig.ago were beautiful, if you could forget about the opressive heat and occasional thunderstorms. Three large humanoid forms flew more or less gracefully through them over the Great Lake Mi.sig.an. If you looked closely at the blue and coral one, you could tell quite easily that it should fold up into a tri-bike very much like the vaunted Squidmobile. In fact, the Deepsea Robo was a rebuilt Squidmobile, merging Kirbytech with Robo, um, stuff. In one hand of the Robo was a high tech trident weapon. A wheel was on each shoulder and on the left hip. The other two, a gold and green Robo and a white one with yellow and red stripes, appeared to be of similar designs, but with a fourth wheel located on the right hip of each which indicated automotive alternate forms. The Flashfire Robo carried an ornate longsword covered in tech doodads, while a crossbow was slung over the back of the Crosspost Robo. Flashfire, piloted by Kid Macro, performed dizzying aerobatics at speeds that would have torn a simple matter construct to bits. He was enjoying the intoxicating feeling of being able to cut loose, of not having to constantly concentrate on controlling his speed and his actions. He didn't have a care in the world. Until, that is, the vulture-winged giant gestalt Robo materialized in a flash of grey five centimeters in front of him.... ============================================================================== NEXT ISSUE: FireTsar versus the Roadkill Destructoid! Constellation Gang makes their next move! Frank has to do another data dump (actually, you don't need to see that bit)! Acton Lord might even find some way to link into the main plot! ============================================================================== KOOKS OF MAGIC Part Five A Rotanna Solo Story Guest-Starring the VAXX All about was dark. This was unusual, not to mention somewhat disconcerting. For as long as he could remember (which admittedly was maybe back to last Thursday) it was never totally dark when he was online. There was always some sort of light from passing cars or the occasional working streetlamp. He concluded he must not be online, and waited to wake up. Roughly an hour had passed when he decided he was indeed online and that someone had done something to make it dark. Come to think of it, that sphammer Mr. Gain wouldn't be above stealing all the light. VAXX reached out to find the wall of the alley, maybe he could find a lightswitch. He knew that lightswitches usually were inside, not outside, but he'd been wrong before. He felt rusted metal. It was a familiar sensation, given VAXX's lifestyle. He was inside a dumpster, and someone had apparently gotten the lid to fit perfectly and admit no light. He reached up and pushed on the lid. Nothing. It was stuck. Maybe it was locked. Why would anyone lock a dumpster? Well, maybe someone who was possessive about his garbage, VAXX guessed. And if they cared enough about the garbage to lock it in, they wouldn't like him breaking the sides out or something. VAXX sat back among the decaying pizza fixings to wait for the owner of all this garbage to come and let him out. .oOo. .oOo. "Harnegu is a relatively pristine reality, Anna. Primordial, even. Evolution took a different track...a somewhat bizarre and twisted one. The influences of dream energy from the Looniverse affected natural selection, leading to a number of odd and iconic creatures, like the Lag-omorphs, rabbit- like creatures who can slow down everything around them. The more of them congregate, the slower things become. Time completely stops outside a warren of the beasts. "Then there's the Bisz. Primitive and peaceful, they live in a communal setting not unlike the earlier human cultures. They are very easy to influence, however, and share certain characteristics with both lemmings and your average human consumer. Convince one of them that something is a good idea, and in no time at all they're all doing it." "Is there a point to this ecology lesson...father?" asked Anna. "Of course. There's a point to everything," replied Mr. Gain, formerly known as Roy Tanner or Rotara. "I lived with these simple creatures for many years, learning to appreciated the uncluttered lifestyle. I also started to notice the effect of the Looniverse on them, and the rest of Harnegu. The CORRUPTION." He started gesticulating wildly. "I'm sure you know by now that the Looniverse is merely a small part of a greater multiversal structure known as the Net. The Net is becoming corrupted by outside forces, blundering beings from outside realities imposing their will without having the slightest clue what their will IS, much less what effect it has. You may have heard whispers of them...the AOLians, the Prodigious, the Delphinoids, the Froshers...and of course the Sphammers. From the malevolent to the simply ignorant, they have great power without the knowledge to use it wisely. Harnegu is a sort of dreamtime from which I could divine the events of higher realities more easily than from here on mundane Loonivearth. Once I realized the scope of the threat and had devised my plan, I used your own link to the rot-13 reality to escape to this city." His eyes gleamed with an insane fervor, like a crazed zealot discussing his faith. Rotanna could tell his time in Harnegu had twisted him as greatly as he claimed it had twisted the Bisz. "So..." she ventured. "You've been sphamming yourself in order to finance this master plan?" "Oh, I detect the note of suspicion and condescension in your voice, daughter. Net.hero trick #45, get the nasty villain to divulge his plan, giving you a chance to stop it. Used it several times myself, back in the old days. No, sphamming isn't a means to an end...it *is* the plan! The Net is beyond redemption! NOTHING can stop its slow slide into chaos and death...all one can hope to do is make it take longer. And that simply extends the agony. If you happen upon a man slowly bleeding to death internally and have no way to operate, do you try to keep him alive as long as possible? Of course not. You kill him quickly to put an end to his pain. And that is what I aim to do here. by increasing the level of spham to intolerable levels, I hope to destroy the Net entirely! And then I can retreat to Harnegu and help create a new, moderated Net free from such evil and ignorant fools!" He was mad. Utterly bonkers. Rotanna doubted his plan would work, but it could certainly do some serious damage in the process. Without thinking, she fell into a fighting stance. "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to send you to your room for trying to stop daddy's plan," he sneered. "Your spells cannot affect me...but mine can still affect you. Maybe you'll see I'm right after you've spent some time in Harnegu...." Rotanna flew into a spinning side kick, hoping to knock the spindly man (don't think of him as your father, she told herself) unconscious before he could do anything. "ORTBAR GB UNEARTH!" he cried just before her kick could connect...curse the comic convention of being able to say sentences (even paragraphs) in a fraction of a second! Then everything went blurry.... ============================================================================== Author's Notes: For those who missed his introduction, Firebrand is a MACE RoboMAC from back in the Robot Invasion arc and the subsequent Transformers crossover. He's a parody of Dr. Clayton "Firebrand" Forrester of Mystery Science Theater 3000, and ATV Frank is a parody of his assistant, TV's Frank. Firebrand acquired Decepticon Space Bridge technology and adapted it to interdimensional transport back in System Corruptors Annual #1. The Klein Couch is a parody of Metron's Moebius Chair. And for future reference, I had this current plotline worked out (in very general form) long before reading New Gods #1...it's pure coincidence that Acton Lord is making a second run for the Sourcecode just as Darkseid grabs for the Source. And in case anyone misses the reference, a Klein Bottle is the 2-dimensional equivalent of the 1-dimensional Moebius Strip. Aspects of the construction of the Klein Couch were inspired by the Toolshed built by Vernon Coop in Paul the Samurai v1 #3. And David B. Van Dommelen is a real person who did indeed write interior design books. I have no idea if there's really coded messages in his books, though. For those who haven't been really reading the Team M.E.C.H.A. parts, you'd better go back and do so, since things start to get more tangled up in the crossover from here on, what with the Mighty Muddy Power Grangers (and chattels) arriving in the Looniverse. Finally, Mr. Gain's statements and opinions to not necessarily represent those of Coherent Comics UnInc or its management (me). Not all commercial service users and freshmen are incompetent boobs, only a few. But all sphammers *do* harm the Net. Give a damn, don't spam.