A Proposed Instruction Set
AAC Alter All Commands
AAD Alter All Data
AAO Add And Overflow
AAR Alter At Random
AB Add Backwards
ABR Add Beyond Range
ACQT Advance Clock to Quitting Time
ADB Another Damn Bug [UNIX]
AFF Add Fudge Factor
AFHB Align Fullword on Halfword Boundary
AFP Abnormalized Floating Point
AFVC Add Finagle's Variable Constant
AGB Add GarBage
AI Add Improper
AIB Attack Innocent Bystander
AMM Answer My Mail
AOI Annoy Operator Immediate
AR Alter Reality
ARN Add and Reset to Non-zero
ARZ Add and Reset to Zero
AS Add Sideways
AT Accumulate Trivia
AWP Argue With Programmer
AWTT Assemble With Tinker Toys
BAC Branch to Alpha Centauri
BAF Blow All Fuses
BAH Branch And Hang
BALC Branch And Link Cheeseburger
BAW Bells And Whistles
BB Branch on Bug
BBBB Byte Baudy Bit and Branch
BBI Branch on Burned-out Indicator
BBL Branch on Burned-out Lamp
BBLB Branch on Blinking Light Bulb
BCB Burp and Clear Bytes
BCF Branch on Chip box Full
BCIL Branch Creating Infinite Loop
BCR Backspace Card Reader
BCU Be Cruel and Unusual
BD Backspace Disk
BD Branch to Data
BDC Break Down and Cry
BDM Branch and Disconnect Memory
BDT Burn Data Tree [next opcode after decorate data tree]
BE Branch Everywhere [As in HHGttG's Infinite Improbability Computer]
BF Belch Fire
BH Branch and Hang
BLC Branch and Loop Continuous
BLI branch and loop infinite
BLM Branch, Like, Maybe
BLMWM Branch, Like, Maybe, wow, Man
BLP Boot from Line Printer
BLR Branch and Lose Return
BM Branch Maybe
BMI Branch on Missing Index
BMP Branch and Make Popcorn
BNA Branch to Nonexistent Address
BNR Branch for No Reason
BOD Branch on Operator Desperate
BOOP Boot Operator
BYOP Byte Operator
BPB Branch on Program Bug
BPD Branch on Programmer Debugging
BPIM Bury Programmer In Manuals
BPO Branch on Power Off
BR Byte and Run
BRA Branch to Random Address
BRI BRanch Indefinitely
BRL BRanch and Leak
BRO BRanch to Oblivion
BRT BRanch on Tuesdays
BSC Burst Selector Channel
BSI Backup Sewer Immediate
BSM Branch and Scramble Memory
BSO Branch on Sleepy Operator
BSST BackSpace and Stretch Tape
BTD Byte The Dust
BTJ Branch and Turn Japanese
BTO Branch To Oblivion
BW Branch on Whim
BWABL Bells, Whistles and Blinking Lights
BWOP BeWilder Operator
CAF Convert Ascii to Farsic
CAI Corrupt Accounting Information
CAIL Crash After I Leave
CAT Confused And Tired [UNIX]
CBA Compare and Branch Anyway
CBNC Close, But No Cigar
CBS Clobber BootStrap
CC Call Calvary
CC Crappy Control [UNIX]
CCB Chocolate Chip Byte-mode
CCB Consult Crystal Ball
CCCI Clear Condition-Codes Indefinitely
CCD Choke, Cough and Die
CCD Clear Current Directory [this may really exist!]
CCD Clear Core and Dump
CCR Change Channels Random
CCS Chinese Character Set
CCWR Change Color of Write Ring
CDR Complement Disk Randomly
CFS Corrupt File Structure
CG Convert to Garbage
CH Create Havoc
CHAPMR CHAse Pointers around Machine Room
CIB Change Important Byte
CIMM Create Imaginary Memory Map
CM Circulate Memory
CMD Compare Meaningless Data
CMD CPU Melt Down
CMI Clobber Monitor Immediately
CML Compute Meaning of Life
CMP Create Memory Prosthesis
CMS Click MicroSwitch
CN Compare Nonsensically
CNB Cause Nervous Breakdown
COLB Crash for Operator's Lunch Break
COMF COMe From
COS Copy Object Code to Source File
COWHU Come Out With your Hands Up
CP%FKM CPU - Flakeout mode
CP%WM CPU - Weird Mode
CPB Create Program Bug
CPR Compliment PRogrammer("Aren't you cute!")
CRASH Continue Running After Stop or Halt
CRM Clear Random Memory
CRN convert to Roman numerals
CRYPT reCuRsive encrYPt Tape mnemonic [UNIX]
CS Crash System
CSL Curse and Swear Loudly
CSN Call Supervisor Names
CSNIO Crash System on Next I/O
CSU Call Self Unconditional [the ultimate in recursive programming]
CSYS Crash SYStem
CTDMR Change Tape Density, Mid Record
CUC Cheat Until Caught
CVFL Convert Floating to Logical
CVFP ConVert FORTRAN to PASCAL
CVG ConVert to Garbage
CWAH Create Woman And Hold
CWDC Cut Wires and Drop Cores
DA Develop Amnesia
DAO divide and overflow
DAP De-select Active Peripheral
DAUF Delete All Useless Files [would YOU trust a computer that far?]
DBL Desegregate Bus Lines
DBR Debase Register
DBZ Divide By Zero
DC Degauss Core
DC Divide and Conquer
DCAD Dump Core And Die
DCD Drop Cards Double
DCGC Dump Confusing Garbage to Console
DCI Disk Crash Immediate
DCON Disable CONsole
DCT Drop Cards Triple
DCWPDGD Drink Coffee, Write Program, Debug, Get Drunk
DD Destroy Disk
DDC Dally During Calculations
DDOA Drop Dead On Answer
DDS Delaminate Disk Surface
DEB Disk Eject Both
DEC Decompile Executable Code
DEI Disk Eject Immediate
DEM Disk Eject Memory
DES Disk Eject Swapped
DHTPL Disk Head Three Point Landing
DIA Develop Ineffective Address
DIE DIsable Everyting (UN?X during hardware errors? :-))
DIIL Disable Interrupts and enter Infinite Loop
DIRFW Do It Right For Once
DISC DISmount CPU
DK Destroy Klingons
DK%WMM Disk Unit - Washing Machine Mode
DKP Disavow Knowledge of Programmer
DLN Don't Look Now...
DLP Drain Literal Pool
DMPE Decide to Major in Physical Education
DMPK Destroy Memory Protect Key
DO Divide and Overflow
DOC Drive Operator Crazy
DPC Decrement Program Counter
DPK Destroy storage Protect Key
DPMI Declare Programmer Mentally Incompetent
DPR Destroy Program
DPS Disable Power Supply
DRAF DRAw Flowchart
DRI Disable Random Interrupt
DRT Disconnect Random Terminal
DS Deadlock System
DSH Destroy Sector Header
DSI Do Something Interesting
DSPK Destroy Storage Protect Key
DSR Detonate Status register
DSTD Do Something Totally Different
DSUIT Do Something Utterly, Indescribably Terrible
DT%FFP DecTape - Unload and Flappa-Flap
DT%SHO DecTape - Spin Hubs Opposite
DTC Destroy This Command
DTI Do The Impossible
DTRT Do The Right Thing
DTVFL Destroy Third Variable From Left
DU Dump User
DUD Do Until Dead
DW Destroy Work
DW Destroy World
DWIM Do What I Mean
DWIT Do What I'm Thinking
EAL Enable AC to Logic rack
EAO Enable AC to Operator
EBRS Emit Burnt Resistor Smell
EC Eject Carriage
ECL Early Care Lace
ECO Electrocute Computer Operator
ECP Erase Card Punch
ED Eject Disk
ED Execute Data
ED Expunge Data [UNIX]
ED Eject Disk
EDD Eat Disk and Die
EDIT Erase Data and Increment Time
EDR Execute Destructive Read
EDS Execute Data Segment
EEP Erase Entire Program
EFD Eject Floppy Disk
EIAO Execute In Any Order
EIO Erase I/O page
EIOC Execute Invalid OP Code
EJD d,v Eject disk in drive d with initial velocity v
EJD%V EJect Disk with initial velocity V
ELP Enter Loop Permanently
EM Evacuate Memory
EMSL Entire Memory Shift Left
EMT Electrocute Maintenance Technician
ENA ENable Anything
ENF Emit Noxious Fumes
EO Electrocute Operator
EOB Execute Operator and Branch
EOI Execute Operator Immediate [a fast version of another instruction]
EP Execute Programmer
EPI Execute Programmer Immediate
EPP Eject Printer Paper
EPS Electrostatic Print and Smear
EPS Execute Program Sideways
EPT Erase Process Table
EPT Erase Punched Tape
ERIC Eject Random Integrated Circuit
ERM Erase Reserved Memory
EROM Erase Read Only Memory
EROS Erase Read Only Storage [Sounds like an IBM special!]
ERS erase read-only storage
ESB Eject Selectric Ball [from IBM selectric typewriter terminals]
ESL Exceed Speed of Light
ESP Enable SPrinkler system
ETI Execute This Instruction [for recursive programs]
ETM Emulate Trinary Machine
EVC Execute Verbal Commands
EWD Execute Warp Drive
EXX [A real instruction on the Zilog Z-80 -- Zilog is owned by EXXon]
FB Find Bugs
FCJ Feed Card and Jam
FDR Fill Disk Randomly
FFF Form Feed Forever
FLD FLing Disc
FLI Flash Lights Impressively
FM Forget Memory
FMP Finish My Program
FOPC [Set] False Out-of-paper Condition
FPC Feed Paper Continuously
FPT Fire Photon Torpedoes
FRG Fill with Random Garbage
FSM Fold, Spindle, and Mutilate
FSRA Forms Skip and Run Away
GBB Go to Back of Bus
GCAR Get Correct Answer Regardless
GDP Grin Defiantly at Programmer
GDR Grab Degree and Run
GENT GENerate Thesis
GEW{JO} Go to the End of the World {Jump Off}
GIE Generate Irreversible Error
GLC Generate Lewd Comment
GMC Generate Machine Check
GMCC Generate Machine Check and Cash
GND Guess at Next Digit
GORS GO Real Slow
GREM Generate Random Error Message
GREP Global Ruin, Expiration and Purgation [UNIX]
GRMC Generate Rubber Machine Check
GS Get Strange [randomly inverts bits fed to the instruction decoder]
GSB Gulp and Store Bytes
GSI Generate Spurious Interrupts
GSU Geometric Shift Up
HAH Halt And Hang
HCF Halt and Catch Fire
HCP Hide Central Processor [makes virtual CPU's act like virtual memories]
HCRS Hang in Critical Section
HDO Halt and Disable Operator
HDRW Halt and Display Random Word
HELP Type "No help available"
HF Hide a File
HGD Halt, Get Drunk
HHB Halt and Hang Bus
HIS Halt in Impossible State
HOO Hide Operator's Output
HRPR Hang up and Ruin Printer Ribbon
HUAL Halt Until After Lunch
IAND Illogical And
IBR Insert Bugs at Random
ICB Interrupt, crash and burn
ICM Immerse Central Memory
ICMD Initiate Core Melt-Down
ICSP Invert CRT Screen Picture
IDC Initiate Destruct Command
IDI Invoke Divine Intervention
IDPS Ignore Disk Protect Switch
IEOF Ignore End Of File
IF Invoke Force
IGI Increment Grade Immediately
IGIT Increment Grade Immediately Twice
II Inquire and Ignore
IIB Ignore Inquiry and Branch
IIB Ignore Interrupt and Branch
IIC Insert Invisible Characters
IIL Irreversable Infinite Loop
IM Imagine Memory
IMPG IMPress Girlfriend
INCAM INCrement Arbitrary Memory location
INOP Indirect No-op
IOI Ignore Operator's Instruction
IOP Interrupt processor, Order Pizza
IOR Illogical OR
IP Increment and Pray
IPS Incinerate Power Supply
IPS Increment Processor Status
IPT Ignite Paper Tape
IRB Invert Record and Branch
IRC Insert Random Commands
IRE Insert Random Errors
IRPF Infinite Recursive Page Fault
ISC Ignore Supervisor Calls
ISC Insert Sarcastic Comments
ISI Increment and Skip on Infinity
ISP Increment and Skip on Pi
ITML Initiate Termites into Macro Library
IU Ignore User
JAA Jump Almost Always
JFM Jump on Full Moon
JHRB Jump to H&R Block
JLP Jump and Lose Pointer
JMAT JuMp on Alternate Thursdays
JNL Jump when programmer is Not Looking
JOM Jump Over Moon
JRAN Jump RANdom [not to be confused with IRAN - Idiots random]
JRCF Jump Relative and Catch Fire
JRGA Jump Relative and Get Arrested
JRN Jump RaNdom
JRSR Jump to Random Subroutine
JSU Jump Self Unconditional [the ultimate in iterative programming]
JT Jump if Tuesday
JTZ Jump to Twilight Zone
JWN Jump When Necessary
KUD Kill User's data
LAGW Load And Go Wrong
LAP Laugh At Program(mer)
LCC Load and Clear Core
LCD Load and Clear Disk
LCK Lock Console Keyswitch
LEB Link Edit Backwards
LIA Load Ineffective Address
LMB Lose Message and Branch
LMO Load and Mug Operator
LMYB Logical MaYBe
LN Lose inode Number [UNIX]
LOSM Log Off System Manager
LP%PAS Line Printer - Print And Smear
LP%RDD Line Printer - Reverse Drum Direction
LP%TCR Line Printer - Tangle and Chew Ribbon
LPA Lead Programmer Astray
LRD Load Random Data
LSBL Lose Super BLock [UNIX only]
LUM LUbricate Memory
LWM Load Write-only Memory
MAB Melt Address Bus
MAN Make Animal Noises
MAZ Multiply Answer by Zero
MBC Make Batch Confetti
MBH Memory Bank Hold-up
MBTD Mount Beatles on Tape Drive
MBTOL Move Bugs to Operator's Lunch
MC Move Continuous
MD Move Devious
MDB Move and Drop Bits
MDDHAF Make Disk Drive Hop Across Floor [Stevans's favorite (he made it up)]
MLP Multiply and Lose Precision
MLR Memory Left Shift and Branch
MLR Move and Lose Record
MLSB Memory Left Shift and Branch
MMLG Make Me Look Good
MNI Misread Next Instruction
MOP Modify Operator's Personality
MOU MOunt User [causes computer to screw you once again]
MPLP Make Pretty Light Pattern
MSGD Make Screen Go Dim
MSIP Make Sure Plugged In
MSR Melt Special Register
MT%HRDV MagTape - High speed Rewind and Drop Vacuum
MTI Make Tape Invalid
MW Malfunction Whenever
MWC Move and Wrap Core
MWK multiply work
MWT Malfunction Without Telling
NTGH Not Tonight, I've Got a Headache
OCF Open Circular File
OML Obey Murphy's Laws
OPP Order Pizza for Programmer
OSI Overflow Stack Indefinitely
OTL Out To Lunch
PAS Print And Smear
PAUD PAUse Dramatically
PAZ Pack Alpha Zone
PBC Print and Break Chain
PBD Print and Break Drum
PBM Pop Bubble Memory
PBPBPBP Place Backup in Plain Brown Paper Bag, Please [for stealing code]
PBST Play Batch mode Star Trek
PCI Pleat Cards Immediate
PCR Print and Cut Ribbon
PD Punch Disk
PEHC Punch Extra Holes in Cards
PFE Print Floating Eye [Roguers look out!]
PFML Print Four Million Lines
PI Punch Invalid
PIBM Pretend to be an IBM
PIC Print Illegible Characters
PIC Punch Invalid Character
PNRP Print Nasty replies to Programmer
PO Punch Operator
POFF Power Off
PON Power On
POPN Punch OPerator's Nose
PPA Print Paper Airplanes
PPL Perform Perpetual Loop
PPP Print Programmer's Picture
PPSW Pack Program Status Word
PRS Print And Smear
PSP Print and Shred Paper
PSR Print and Shred Ribbon
QWA Quit While Ahead
RA Randomize Answer
RAM Reorganize and Abort Monitor
RASC Read And Shred Card
RAST Read and Shred Tape
RAST Rewind And Stretch Tape
RAU Ridicule All Users
RBA Random Branch Anywhere
RBAO Ring Bell and Annoy Operator
RBG Random Bug Generate
RBLY Restore Backup from Last Year
RBT Read and Break Tape
RBT Read Blank Tape
RBT Rewind and Break Tape
RCAJ Read Card And Jam
RCB Read Commands Backwards
RCB Run Clock Backwards
RCC Read Card and Chew
RCCP Randomly Corrupt Current Process
RCF Rewind Cabinet Fans
RCKG Read Count Key and Garbage
RCR Rewind Card Reader
RCRV Randomly Convert to Reverse Video
RCSD Read Card and Scramble Data
RD Randomize Data
RDA Refuse to Disclose Answer
RDD Reverse Disk Drive
RDF Randomize Directory Filenames
RDI Reverse Disk Immediate
RENVR Rename Variables Randomly
RET Read and Erase Tape
RIC Rotate Illogical thru Carry
RID Read Invalid Data
RIR Read Invalid Record
RIRG Read Inter-Record Gap
RIRG Rewrite Inter-Record Gap [random replacement of similar mnemonic]
RLC Re-read last card
RLC Relocate and Lose Core
RLI Rotate Left Indefinitely
RLP Refill Light Pen
RLP Rewind Line Printer
RM Ruin My files [UNIX]
RMI Randomize Memory Immediate
RMV Remove Memory Virtues
RN Read Noise
RNBS Reflect Next Bus Signal
RNR Read Noise Record
ROD ROtate Diagonally
ROM Read Operator's Mind
ROOP Run Out Of Paper
ROPF Read Other People's Files
ROS Reject Op System
ROS Return On Shield
ROT Rotate Disk [fixes broken drives]
RP Read Printer
RPB Raise Parity Bits
RPBR Reverse Parity and BRanch
RPC Randomize Program Counter
RPM Read Programmer's Mind
RPU Read character and Print Upside down
RRB Read Record and Blush
RRC Rotate Random thru Carry
RRR Read Record and Run away
RRRL Random Rotate Register Left
RRSG Round and Round She Goes...
RRSGWSSNK Round and Round She Goes, Where She Stops, Nobody Knows
RRT record and rip tape
RS Random Slew
RSD Read and Scramble Data
RST Rewind and Stretch Tape
RT Reduce Throughput
RT Reverse Throughput
RTS Return To Sender
RWD rewind disk
RWS Return With Shield
SAD Seek And Destroy
SAI Skip All Instructions
SAS Sit And Spin
SC Scramble Channels
SC Shred Cards
SCB Spindle Card and Belch
SCCA Short Circuit on Correct Answer
SCH Slit Cards Horizontal
SCI Shred Cards Immediate
SCOM Set Cobol-Only Mode
SCRRC SCRamble Register Contents
SCST Switch Channel to Star Trek
SCTR Stick Card To Reader
SD Scramble Directory
SD Slip Disk
SDC Spool Disk to Console
SDDB Snap Disk Drive Belt
SDE Solve Differential Equations
SDI Self Destruct Immediately
SEB Stop Eating and Burp
SEX Set EXecution register [a real instruction for the RCA 1802]
SEX Sign EXtend
SFH Set Flags to Half mast
SFT Stall For Time
SFTT Strip Form Tractor Teeth
SHB Stop and Hang Bus
SHCD SHuffle Card Deck
SHIT Stop Here If Thursday
SHON Simulate HONeywell CPU [permanent NO-OP]
SHRC SHRed Card
SHRT SHRed Tape
SID Switch to Infinite Density
SLP Sharpen Light Pencil
SMC Scramble memory contents
SMD Spontaneous Memory Dump (Use only with classified data)
SMS Shred Mylar Surface
SMT Stretch MagTape
SNM Show No Mercy
SOAWP SOlve All the World's Problems
SOB [a real PDP-11 instruction]
SOD Surrender Or Die!
SOP Stop and Order Pizza
SOS Sign Off, Stupid
SP Scatter Print
SPA Sliding Point Arithmetic
SPS Smoke Power Supply
SPSW Scramble Program Status Word
SRBO Set Random Bits to Ones
SRBZ Set Random Bits to Zeroes
SRC Skip to Random Channel
SRCC Select Reader and Chew Cards
SRD Switch to Random Density
SRDR Shift Right, Double Ridiculous
SRO Sort with Random Ordering
SRR Set Registers to Random values [usually used prior to a RET or RTS]
SRR Shift Registers Random
SRSD Seek Record and Scratch Disk
SRU Signoff Random User
SRZ Subtract and Reset to Zero
SSB Scramble Status Byte
SSD Seek and Score Disk [good for testing]
SSD Stacker Select Disk
SSJ Select Stacker and Jam
SSJP Select Stacker and Jump
SSM Solve by Supernatural Means
SSM Stacker Select Memory
SSP Smoke and SPark
SSP Seek SPindle
SST Stop and Stretch Tape
ST Set and Test
STD Stop, take drugs
STPR SToP Rain
STTHB Set Terminal to Three Hundred Baud
SUI Subtract User's IQ
SUME Surprise Me
SUP Solve Unsolvable Problem
SUR Screw Up Royally
SUS Stop Until Spring
SUS Subract Until Senseless
SWAT SWAp Terminals
SWN SWap Nibbles
SWOS SWap out Operating System
SWS Sort to Wrong Slots
SWT Select Wrong Terminal
SZD Switch to Zero Density
TARC Take Arithmatic Review Course
TBFTG Two Burgers and Fries To Go
TDB Transfer and Drop Bits
TDS Trash Data Segment
TLNF Teach me a Lesson I'll Never Forget
TLO Turn indicator Lights Off
TLW Transfer and Lose Way
TN Take a Nap
TOG Time Out, Graduate
TOH Take Operator Hostage
TOO Turn On/Off operator
TOS Trash Operating System
TPD Triple Pack Decimal
TPDH Tell Programmer to Do it Him/Her self
TPN Turn Power On
TPO Turn Power Off
TPR Tear PapeR
TR Turn into Rubbish [UNIX]
TRA Te Rdls Arvs [Type Ridiculous Abbreviations]
TSH Trap Secretary and Halt
TSM Trap Secretary and Mount
TST Trash System Tracks
TT%CNK TeleType - Clunk Noise
TT%EKB TeleType - Electrify KeyBoard
TTA Try, Try Again
TTITT Turn 2400 foot tape Into Two 1200 foot tapes
TTL Time To Log off
UAI Use Alternate Instruction set
UCB Uncouple Communication lines and Break
UCK Unlock Console Keyswitch
UCPUB Uncouple CPU and Branch
UDR Update and Delete Record
UMR Unlock Machine Room
UOP Useless Operation
UP Understand Program
UTF Unwind Tape onto Floor
UUBR Use Undefined Base Register
VAX Violate All executions
VFE Violate Field Engineer
VFO Violate Female Operator
VMA Violate Maintenance Agreement
VNO Violate Noise Ordinance
VPA Vanishing Point Arithmetic
VVM Vaporise Virtual Memory
WAD Walk Away in Disgust
WC Waste Core [UNIX]
WCR Write to Card Reader
WED write and erase data
WGPB Write Garbage in Process-control Block
WHP Wave Hands over Problem
WI Why Immediate
WID Write Invalid Data
WNHR Write New Hit Record
WNR Write Noise Record
WPET Write Past End of Tape
WSE Write Stack Everywhere
WSWW Work in Strange and Wonderous Ways
WUPO Wad Up Printer Output
WWLR Write Wrong Length Record
WWR Write Wrong Record
XIO Execute Invalid Op code
XKF Execute Kermit the Frog
XMB Exclusive MayBe
XOH Execute no-Op and Hang
XOR Execute OperatoR
XOS Exchange Operator's Sex
XPR Execute Programmer
XVF Exchange Virtue for Fun
YKWIM You Know What I Mean
ZAP Zero and Add Packed
ZD Zap Directory
ZPI ZaP Immediate
Back to humor page.
Bryan Dunlap / Physics Dept. / The Ohio State University